


Sodden Letter

by midnightprelude



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, Hawke regrets Adamant, M/M, Post-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightprelude/pseuds/midnightprelude
Summary: After the Inquisition returns from Adamant Fortress, Varric finds his old friend at the Herald's Rest, clutching a drink and a soggy letter.
Relationships: Fenris/Male Hawke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62





	Sodden Letter

**Author's Note:**

> TW: alcohol  
For the prompt: "You can cry in front of me".

“Well, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you look like shit that’s been sitting on a swine herder’s boots for about three weeks before being scraped off and used for fertilizer.” Varric placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Hawke didn’t move, his hand wrapped around what had been a full flagon of ale, face down on the table. He guessed it hadn’t been his first drink of the evening.

“I was afraid I’d find you here,” Varric continued, undeterred by the silence. “At least you’re predictable, if nothing else.”

Hawke really _did _look awful. It was clear he had stopped bathing several weeks ago, his hair coated in a thick layer of grime. He was starting to smell, and not of roses. Varric tried to breathe through his mouth. Even his coat felt filthy, with his hand pressed against the cloth, he could feel that it had hardened slightly from the sweat and mud. He hadn’t seen Hawke neglect his appearance so severely since they had first met and the man was leaving his year of servitude to a mercenary band, long before he’d come into his fortune.

He had found him in the Herald’s Rest, alone just as he had feared, after Varric had made the mistake of giving him a letter from Fenris and allowing him to take it away to read it in private. He had not known what the letter contained, though he should have guessed at the idea, if not the exact wording.

They had recently returned from Adamant, still reeling from their lovely little vacation in the Fade. The one where his best friend had tried to sacrifice himself to cover the group’s escape from the Nightmare demon. An aptly named monster, if there ever was one. Varric had told Fenris that Hawke lived, because he thought _someone _should. Even if Hawke has hardly mentioned the man since he came to Skyhold. Even if he pretends that nothing had happened between them.

He leaned in close, against the will of his protesting nose. “Hawke. I am not leaving without speaking with you.”

With that, Hawke finally stirred. His eyes were unmistakably red, his face pale. “You told him.”

Varric nodded, frowning deeply. “He has a right to know.”

“I should’ve been the one to tell him.” Hawke grumbled, words slurring slightly.

Varric sighed, pulling a chair up to the table and sitting on it backwards, facing his friend. “You’ve done such a great job of that in the past. Have you even written him at _all _since you’ve been here?”

“No. I _told _you. We _can’t _be together. I’m a fugitive and he’s…” Hawke stalled, grasping for words.

Varric nodded. “You’re a fugitive and he loves you. A tragic tale, but one of your own making. You gave him up, gave up your own happiness, gave up the life you could have had together for what? Another opportunity to try and get yourself killed? Hawke, I’m terrified for you. You’ve shown so little regard for the value of your own life.”

“How many people have died because I didn’t stop Anders when I could have? We could have found another way, a better way. I should have seen the signs.” He slammed his fist on the table. “I’ve taken far more than I’ve given. If you’d have allowed me to save you all instead of Stroud… At least I could have evened the scales a bit.” Hawke motioned the bartender over for another drink, but Varric quickly waved him away.

Varric shook his head. “Self-loathing has never looked good on you, my friend.”

“Did you just come here to read the letter?” Hawke pulled the parchment from his breast pocket, extending it to Varric. It was wet with something, he could tell the ink had run just by looking at the outside of the envelope.

“I know it may be a great surprise for you, but I care more about you than gossip. But if you’d have me read it, I won’t say no.”

He took the letter from Hawke’s outstretched hand, unfolding it slowly so as not to damage the delicate, slightly damp paper.

_Hawke,_

_I’ll have you know that I needed to seek out Merrill’s help to draft this. She was delighted and kept asking after you. I told her that you were alive, but I also mentioned what you did. She is concerned. We both are._

_Varric told me what you tried to do. I do not wish for you to end up a martyr. I respect your decision to end our relationship, though I think it has more to do with your desire to demolish any chance of your own happiness more than your dissatisfaction with me. I hope I do not overstep in saying so._

_If you wish to die for some cause you deem just, I would do so by your side, if you would only let me._

_Being alone was your choice, but it does not need to end this way._

_-Fenris_

When he looked up, Varric saw that Hawke’s eyes were beginning to brim with tears. The other man turned away, facing the wall, running away from the comfort of a friend yet again.

Varric sighed and did his best to wrap his arms around Hawke’s massive shoulders. “You don’t need to worry about crying in front of me, Hawke. We’ve been to the belly of the earth and hell and back. I think I can handle a few tears.”

Hawke nodded, turning back to face his friend. “Being with him will only hurt him in the end.”

Varric's voice was gentle when he responded to his friend. Fenris had made him happy once, and Hawke had more than returned the favor. He had seen in in both their eyes too many times to count. He saw the longing written in Hawke's now.

“Don’t you think you should let him make that choice?”


End file.
